Male Spouses
by David Barron
A few months ago my wife and I, after what could accurately be termed protracted negotiations, decided that it really would be a good thing if she were to accept an offer she had received to join the elite ranks of the Foreign Service. In the negotiating process we had of course done our best to identify the pros and cons of such an enormous step. Since we had both lived abroad extensively, we thought we had pretty good overall grasp of what we were getting ourselves into. Well almost . . . we really had little idea what life would be like for me as a male spouse in the Foreign Service. It was not that I saw myself damned to a life of tea-making and small talk. I did in fact have a number of ideas as to how I could find meaning and fulfilment within the framework imposed by my wife's career. I just could not get rid of those caricatures of Dennis Thatcher!
I wondered, for example, just how much of a rare breed I would be as a male spouse, what kind of employment I could find while at post, or to what extent some of the scenarios I had envisaged were either likely or possible. Being no longer in the first flush of youth (though I must add by no means over the hill) I had achieved a certain professional standing and had both professional and personal aspirations which, although by no means rigid, pleaded their case in a voice too strong to be ignored. In short, I felt that if my wife and I were to lead a happy life in the Foreign Service, I needed to find out as much as I could about the realities of life as a spouse. In particular, though, I needed to find out about any special issues relating to my situation as a male spouse.
Therefore, freshly arrived in Ottawa from the wide open spaces of Alberta (and having nothing better to do), I started to ask questions. As is so often the case, my learning curve took off on an almost perpendicular ascent. I have already learned that male spouses in the Foreign Service are not as rare a breed as I had originally feared. I have also learned that there is a growing awareness of the fact that male spouses, both in Ottawa and at post, may have their own special issues. And I have learned that very little is known about the nature of these issues.
So the time is right to tell it as it is, guys. The Association is encouraging me to develop my originally very personal research project into something which not only serves as a forum for the dissemination of information but also begins to paint a picture of Foreign Service reality from the perspective of male spouses. But to get this project off the ground I need information from those with experience to share and stories to tell. I therefore challenge all you male spouses out there to contact me and let me know the issues as you see them. You can reach me by phone at (613) 260-1640, via the Internet at david.barron@sympatico.ca. I look forward to hearing from you. Let's get something going here.